Dosing Your Grief: Healthy Breaks and the Power of 'Puddle Jumping'
In the challenging landscape of loss, many of us feel pressured to be constantly immersed in our deepest pain—as if taking a break is a sign of avoidance or that our pain is our connection with the person who died. But what if "dosing" your grief—managing the intake of intense emotion—is actually a healthy, necessary form of self-regulation?
I see the benefits of this approach daily in practice. It’s a process distinct from total suppression; it's about conscious, temporary moderation.
The Art of the Emotional Break
When we talk about "dosing" grief, we are recognizing the limits of the human nervous system. As pioneer of loss and death studies Dr. J. William Worden noted in his four tasks of mourning (one of the evidence-based models of grief), grief work is demanding and needs to be balanced with periods of respite. We simply cannot process the full intensity of loss 24/7.
Healthy dosing allows you to:
Prevent Emotional Burnout: Deep sorrow is exhausting. Taking time to focus on daily tasks, hobbies, or light social interaction acts as a crucial energy renewal, allowing you to return to the grief work with more stamina.
Integrate Gradually: Grief is not a switch; it's a dimmer. Dosing allows you to slowly integrate the reality of the loss into your life without being completely overwhelmed or feeling shattered all at once.
From Avoidance to Puddle Jumping
The difference between healthy dosing and harmful avoidance is intentionality.
Avoidance (Suppression): Burying feelings, pretending the loss didn't happen, or using destructive behaviors (like excessive drinking) to numb all emotion. The grief is never acknowledged or addressed.
Dosing (Puddle Jumping): This term is often used in child grief work to describe how children naturally dive into their sorrow (the 'puddle') and then leap out to play, only to return later. Adults can adopt this, too. It means intentionally stepping away from the pain for a planned period—maybe watching a comedy, spending time with friends, or focusing intensely on a project—knowing that you will check back in with your feelings later.
Puddle jumping is an act of agency. It confirms that you are in control of when and how you engage with your pain, rather than letting the pain control you. It’s a rhythmic process of acknowledging the sorrow and choosing joy (or calm) when you need it most.
Give yourself permission to take these necessary breaks. Your strength isn't measured by the depth of your continuous sorrow, but by your capacity to regulate and navigate the waves of loss over time.
